Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1147
Wasting time in a relationship that blows is just that - wasted time.
I went to penitentiary one time, not me personally, but me and Gene went there for a movie. "Arizona State Penitentiary" Population: 80 percent black people. But there are no black people in Arizona, they have to bus motherfuckers in!
I got my hair highlighted because I felt that some strands were more important than others.
I know the fashion is that everything is fair game for comedy material but I don't believe that.
A fly was very close to being called a land, because that's what it does half the time.
On the song 'Funk Soul Brother': "If you covered a broom handle with oil and shoved it up my arse, then put me on a trampoline, in a lift, I could write a better song on the walls."
I turned down a movie this summer because it was nine weeks in Vancouver and my oldest daughter is 14. I've got four more summers with her. I'm not giving away nine weeks of her summer to go do a silly movie.
I just broke up with a guy… it’s hard breaking up with them, ‘cause you have to be like, “Listen, you’ve run out of money.”
You might be a redneck if the rear tires on your car are at least twice as wide as the front ones.
I'm also concerned about reincarnation because if I was hexed and came back as myself I'd kill myself.
I like southern girls. They talk so slow that by the time they say no, I made it already.
When a ladder was stolen from a store the manager said that further steps would be taken.