Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 201
L.A. I love it. Everybody’s a superstar. A guy will tell you, "Yeah, I’m a producer." And he’s driving a cab.
New iPod. It looks like an iPhone but it can't make phone calls. So its really just an iPhone.
You were an altar boy, right? No wonder you're so angry. Show me on Kiefer Sutherland where the priest touched you.
People do give me a hard time about my hair because it's orange and it's big.
I knew I loved it because I could take the failures. I was like a professional fighter - they're beat 20 times in a row and they just want that one win.
My mom was so strict when I was a kid, she wouldn’t even let us watch The Brady Bunch. The Brady Bunch! She was like, "That’s why you don’t watch The Brady Bunch, that show suck. Six kids, that’s nothing. That’s right, I have ten kids. Why don’t you watch me? No commercial here. No ads. I run the whole operation, Dat Phan, watch me."
I have no interest in art. Let me clarify - I have no interest in non-nude images.
I'd like to be more patient! I just want everything now. I've tried to meditate, but it's really hard for me to stay still. I'd like to try to force myself to do it, because everybody says how wonderful meditation is for you, but I can't shut my mind up. So patience and learning is the key.
It's hard for your mom to tell you she has an oral fixation and has to have something in her mouth. My step dad is in the kitchen winking at me. You down with OPP, yeah you know me. Exciting is and a special... What? Easy, and why do you know all the words? That's weird.
It’s a Spice Girl party & since we’re missing one I’m the new one Specky Spice.
Munch is the guy who says what a lot of people wouldn't dare say.
You were born free, you got fucked out of half of it and you wave a flag celebrating it.