Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 334
How beautifully leaves grow old. How full of light and color are their last days.
I`ve got two children. To be honest I always wanted 3 children.<br /> Now I`ve got two, I only want one.
You tried to kiss me. I know you have $40. Thank you all so very, very, very much. You are the best! Thank you!. We did it, team. We did it. Good night, America. Good night, San Francisco. Good night, foreign countries with distribution from Comedy Central. I will now leave energetically to match your energy!
Nobody can stop you but you. And shame on you if you're the one who stops yourself.
In California, we are a sixty percent Hispanic state, we elected an Austrian governor. Even old Nazis are going "That's weird."
It's so cold here in Washington, D.C., that politicians have their hands in their own pockets.
Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
I got on the property ladder this year. It’s murder getting that deposit together. You start having dark thoughts, looking at your mum and dad thinking, ‘If only they had an accident…’.
My rhymes are so potent that in this small segment I made all of the ladies in the area pregnant. Yes, sometimes my lyrics are sexist but you lovely bitches and hos should know I'm trying to correct this.
They just tested the tap water in Los Angeles and they found traces of estrogen and antidepressants in the tap water. So it’s nice to know my son’s going to grow up and have huge breasts but it’s not going to bother him that much.