Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 359
Imagine going in knowing that no Mexican American before you had ever succeeded in a lead role.
He's a real loser. He moved into a new neighborhood and got run over by the Welcome Wagon.
Why would I make one woman so miserable when I can make so many women very happy?
Moshe Dayan, who said to Sammy Davis, Jr., "That’s funny, to me you only look half Jewish." Never got a dinner!
There's only two types of people who are against drugs: the people who have never done drugs and the people who really sucked at doing drugs.
You know what the problem is with world hunger? We've been sending them food.
Being constructively critical is good, as long as your purpose is to improve your methods for future endeavors. Lying in bed and replaying failures and telling yourself you’re stupid is a tremendous disservice to your efforts and what you can offer the world.
I would actually go up during those; it was kind of scary for the people at first and then they were happy. Now, there's a couple amazing people out on the road like Pablo Francisco and Dane Cook is out there and they're building a huge audience with the craft of stand up comedy.
That's a good time to sneak, four in the morning, 'cause anyone you run into, they're sneaking too.
We need anything politically important rationed out like Pez: small, sweet, and coming out of a funny, plastic head.
I can tell you now what I couldn't tell the studio then: Purely in case the movie was like a monster smash, I would have gotten too recognized.