Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 363
I see my face in the mirror and go, 'I'm a Halloween costume? That's what they think of me?'
Things can be funny only when we are in fun. When we're 'dead earnest,' humor is the only thing that is dead.
We need anything politically important rationed out like Pez: small, sweet, and coming out of a funny, plastic head.
I can tell you now what I couldn't tell the studio then: Purely in case the movie was like a monster smash, I would have gotten too recognized.
Late night, thought we were so crafty in college. Maybe I'll come by late night, hun. If girls ever broke that down, it'd be bad. Let me guess, you're gonna go out with your friends, get hammered. And if you fail to nail some skank at a bar you'll come pound on my door at 4am. The more I say it, the more I like it.Mark me down for a yes. Late night.
I’m on my version of the protein diet, but there ain’t no protein in it. It’s a Krispy Kreme doughnut between two Cinnabons. And you soak it overnight in Red Bull. Then you chase it with a Snickers.
We are now able to create virtual realities on computers. Are we all living in one created by someone in the future?
You might be a redneck if you’ve ever hauled a can of paint to the top of a water tower to defend your sister’s honor.
If you don't believe in yourself, then who will believe in you? The next man's way of getting there might not necessarily work for me, so I have to create my own ways of getting there.
I love people, I love studying people more than history. So whatever situation I see, then I look at, what were the people like, more than history itself.
Art and resistance are great together. That's what art's made for. Look at Vincent van Gogh: He didn't cut off his ear because he was selling well.
Happiness comes in small doses folks. It's a cigarette, or a chocolate chip cookie or a five second orgasm, that's it okay? You come, you eat the cookie, you smoke the butt, you go to sleep you get up in the morning and go to fucking work okay? That is it, end of fucking list!