Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 363
As for Tenacious D, of course it could work as a full length movie; all it requires is a great writer and great director with an ability to think outside of conventional film comedy.
You cannot make your opportunities concur with the opportunities of people whose incomes are ten times greater than yours.
I didn’t have a priviledged childhood like a lot of you. I grew up on a public golf course and that’s embarrassing. I lived on the right side of the fairway. All these hacks slicing into your yard. You don’t hear “Fore!” while you’re mowing. “Nothing runs like a Deere.” ‘Til a Titleist is lodged in your carburator.
What are people going to do? Fire me? I've been fired before. Not book me? I've been out of work before. I don't care.
It's weird, I never wish anything bad upon anybody, except two or three old girlfriends.
Somebody cut my bike seat. Think about that. What level of misery must you have experienced as a kid to see my 10-speed tied to a pole, pull out a blade and be like, 'Look at this rich mother fucker right here.' You know, like I control the banks because I own a Huffy. I'm the bad guy; I'm the guy you want to get back at.
Once I was having lunch in a fancy restaurant with Lily Tomlin and Richard Pryor. We were all struggling comics together and the day we had lunch, any one of us could have picked up the check. That's when I knew I'd made it.
I'm studying Kabbalah, which is really the essence of Jewish spirituality.
Marie Antoinette was funny, I'm sure she was just misinterpreted. You know the 'Let them eat cake' line. She seems like she was kind of funny, like a Chelsea Handler or Kathy Griffin type.
When an evil masochist dies, does he go to hell, or would heaven be a better punishment?
If people would just fuck right away and stop all the song and dance that goes with it, we could have colonies on Mars by now.