Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 416
I know 50 done made it cool to get shot, ain't nothing cool about gettin' shot. I've been shot before, ain't shit cool about it. When I got shot, ain't no Music play, ain't no Bitches come out, Nothin'!
You can't run on a mistake. Franklin Roosevelt didn't run for re-election claiming Pearl Harbor was his finest hour. Abe Lincoln was a great president, but the high point of his second term wasn't theater security. 9/11 wasn't a triumph of the human spirit. It was a fuck-up by a guy on vacation.
I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life.
I hate Dr Phil. Dr Phil told me to express my feelings, so I'm expressing them.
There is no question that there is an unseen world. The problem is, how far is it from midtown and how late is it open?
I'll tell you one thing, since I'm married, single people look absolutely ridiculous to me.
I had a dream that Connie Chung is doing a newscast about my death and they show a clip from Soap.
Never be afraid to laugh at yourself, after all, you could be missing out on the joke of the century.
The Soviet Union, which has complained recently about alleged anti-Soviet themes in American advertising, lodged an official protest this week against the Ford Motor Company's new campaign: 'Hey you stinking fat Russian, get off my Ford Escort.'
Is it weird being a twin city? Do you sometimes know exactly what the other city's thinking?
Life is truly a ride. We're all strapped in and no one can stop it. When the doctor slaps your behind, he's ripping your ticket and away you go. As you make each passage from youth to adulthood to maturity, sometimes you put your arms up and scream, sometimes you just hang on to that bar in front of you. But the ride is the thing. I think the most you can hope for at the end of life is that your hair's messed, you're out of breath, and you didn't throw up.
If you're passionate about your work, it makes the people around you want to be involved too.