Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 416
Yes you can tell how good a guy is on bed by the way he dances. If a guy is excellent at dancing he’s also probably really great at having sex… with men… having anal sex.
We lived in a neighborhood that was too rich for us. When I was young, I had to deliver groceries to the homes of the kids I went to school with. I had to go to the back doors to make the deliveries. It was embarrassing. That was one thing out of a hundred.
Thanksgiving is coming. I wonder what the holiday will be like at Dog the Bounty Hunter’s house - obviously, they’ll have a turkey with all-white meat.
My mother was tickled and I think kind of proud when my father got hit on my an attractive middle-aged Asian lady who hadn't noticed he was with his family. He was certainly pleased about it.
Telling a comedian "Make me laugh" on their time off, is like telling a professional dancer: "Strip for me, you cheap little whore".
I'm not an activist; I don't look for controversy. I'm not a political person, but I'm a person with compassion. I care passionately about equal rights. I care about human rights. I care about animal rights.
When you talk about the world's greatest entertainer you have to say Al Jolson because there was no one like him. Only Judy Garland and perhaps Frank Sinatra got anywhere near him!
When my ugly friends say shit just got ugly I want to say damn uglier?
It's impossible for me to hear the words "quadruple murder suicide" without thinking of my grandparents.
I did stand-up my whole career, and Vince didn't, and it's a little frustrating when he's funnier than me, and that bothers me a little bit.
I said to my husband, "Why don't you call out my name when we're making love?" He said, "I don't want to wake you up."
I don't think women are better than men, I think men are a lot worse than women.