Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 435
A scout troop consists of twelve little kids dressed like schmucks following a big schmuck dressed like a kid.
“When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?” This title offends all three major religions, and even vegetarians!
When I go to a nude beach, I always take a ruler, just in case I have to prove something.
Sure, retarded jokes write themselves. But the spelling is always way off.
White man makes guns? No problem. Black rapper says "guns"? Congressional hearing. "Oh, my God, that nigger said gun, and he rhymed it with fun"!
I know 50 done made it cool to get shot, ain't nothing cool about gettin' shot. I've been shot before, ain't shit cool about it. When I got shot, ain't no Music play, ain't no Bitches come out, Nothin'!
You might be a redneck if your wife's best shoes have steel toes.
Whenever I investigate a smell, I find that the answer is always bad. It's never: "What is that? Muffins!"
Somebody stole my identity. Good luck using it without the medications.
I got into trouble a lot in school. They say you're a disturbance in class. You're a distraction, they're moving you around. You never really get rewarded in class for being funny. You're a disturbance. But the funny kid is often witty and clever and quick... they finally get a chance to express themselves when they get out of school.
As far as your personal goals are and what you actually want to do with your life, it should never have to do with the government. You should never depend on the government for your retirement, your financial security, for anything.
A pipe is greater than a bong. Because when you’re smoking a pipe at least it makes you look like you’re thinking about something.