Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 488
Some people see things that are and ask, why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.
Most of the people who came for dancing lessons had Rumba ambitions and minuet bodies.
In Los Angeles, the big story is that Police Chief Daryl Gates announced his retirement. It'll be sometime next year. Why can't a guy just retire without making a big deal of it?
Delaware Senate candidate Christine O'Donnell said recently that Hollywood needs to re-evaluate what they're doing because movies these days are all filled with gay sex and extramarital affairs. And I thought, 'Have fun in Congress then.'
I am saddened by how people treat one another and how we are so shut off from one another and how we judge one another, when the truth is, we are all one connected thing. We are all from the same exact molecules.
I don't know what I'd do if anything ever happened to my girlfriend. But first, I'd probably burn my clothes.
I was hoping Star Jones and Rosie O'Donnell sat next to each other on the View. Cause then maybe they'd get into a fight... to the death... or worse.
The thing is girls will always say you're lying when you say you had sex with them when you're lying about having sex with them.
At my age, making love is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.
My cousin had a baby and I was watching her breastfeed for a couple of bucks, and I'll tell you ladies: it's amazing.
My mama would say, “Y’all quit. Don’t make me stop this car.”<br /> “You’re not in the car, Mama. You’re in a hammock with a jelly glass of scotch in your hand.
So the American government lied to the Native Americans for many, many years, and then President Clinton lied about a relationship, and everyone was surprised! A little naive, I feel!
I'm what you'd call ethnically Catholic. Don't believe in God, still hate Rangers...