Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 489
Is being earnest important? I always think it's kind of embarrassing.
I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.
Just hit the blunt one time and see if it don't change your perception on whats important in your life.
When I go through the airport and see white women walking through the airport barefooted, like athlete's feet don't exist, there's something wrong.
I love the movies, I don't even call them the movies, I call them cinematic adventures.
I had my boy in Boston on Easter Sunday. That kills me, from a sports perspective. He's a Boston baby and I'm a New York guy.
I was the class clown at school, but at home, my family wasn't very funny.
Love is like pancreatitis; it starts off slow, then builds in intensity until you become consumed and develop violent cramps.
It's good to see people not smoking. You get dressed up, and you smoke, and it gets in your clothes. You go, ‘What should I wear tonight?’ ‘I don't know, honey, how about something menthol?’
The voice in my head has a stutter, and that's really annoying. "D-D-D-Dave Dave." What? "K-K-K-Kill your p-p-p-parents. L-L-L-Loa…" Write it down!
Pixar has announced Larry the Cable Guy will be starring in Cars 3 thru 6. Howie Mandel will be playing his sidekick, Mopey the Moped.
Here's the rule that I set for myself, and I believe it - even on a show like 'Curb Your Enthusiasm': the more personal you are, the wider your audience.