Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 572
A gypsy girl sent an email to an agony Aunt "I am 12 years old and haven't had sex yet, do you think my brother is queer?"
But to do it professionally is a quantum leap difference and my father had to be persuaded by these kind of Ivy League professors that I should go to the Yale Drama School, another one of the stories in there.
All the plants in my house are dead - I shot them last night. I was teasing them by watering them with ice cubes.
It's difficult isn't it, when you're in a Mosque and everyone's praying and you really enjoy leapfrog.
Whenever I meet a doctor, I like to pull them aside and say, "You're a doctor, right? Can you get me some... AIDS medicine?"
So because of my act my daughter thinks she can talk to me about anything. She's been dating the same guy since high school and they go to the same college, and she calls me up one night and says "Dad, I wanted to talk to you about Steve." And all I can think is if she tells me she took it up the ass I'm gonna drop dead on the phone. I mean what do you say to that "Daddy, I don't like it in the butt." Yeah, you and your mom both. So she says "Dad, you know Steve and I have been together for a while, and he was wondering what it would be like to go all the way." So I said "Maybe I'll fuck him then he won't have to wonder anymore." See Steve that's what it's like to go all the way... would you stop crying?
Having sex with a dead grammar teacher is a violation of past tense usage.
A tobacco-company now advertise that you can get a packet of cigaretts for $1. The cost of dying is really going down now.
I don't like surgery. I don't like elective surgery, I don't like surgery that you have to have.
I'm cool with failing so long as I know that there are people around me that love me unconditionally.