Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 634
It's not really dating. I don't have any money, so we just kind of walk around. She'll always say things like, 'Where are we going?' 'Further.'
No, I guess this is a pretty funny story. One that I’ll never ever tell anyone because of my deep and burning shame.
You know what is good about these Dixie Chicks burnings or bashings? It's a wonderful, wonderful way for really stupid people to hook up. They meet, they throw some things on the fire, they talk about Vin Diesel, they tell stories about who their favorite Fox anchor is, they exchange phone numbers and in some cases has led to marriages.
We export films that are full of sleazy jokes and toilet humor - that`s why we've earned the affectionate nickname of the Great Satan. What's seemingly benign, by our standards, is doing more damage to us around the world than anything I could ever do.
This whole urban rap thing needs to be pulled back some. The ghetto is being glorified, and there's nothing good about the ghetto except getting out of one.
John Travolta, who said, "My Saturday night fever was nothing compared to my Sunday morning rash." Never got a dinner!
In the beginning of any career, in every job, people are always forcing you to the middle.
I went to Missouri. I got a speeding ticket for $130. That’s a bunch of crap. Rent’s not $130 in Missouri…
When maintaining a relationship means diminishing your self, it's time to walk.
I don't see myself getting married again, but if I do, it will be forever.
Once you start doing only what you've already proven you can do, you're on the road to death.
Do whatever you want. Break stuff, touch your penis or boobs to anything, whatever.