Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 649
Every time John Travolta assaults a masseur, a scientologist gets their wings.
The only thing I really recommend, if you're starting out in stand-up is to not try to copy anybody else. You can be influenced by people. I was influenced by Steve Martin and Bob Newhart and Woody Allen, but I never tried to be someone else. I always tried to be myself. And the reason people are successful is they're unique.
It's not till you get out on tour that you realize the impact.
Oh look an ATM! Ok here we go! I lost all my money, now what do I do? Get a gun! Rob a casino! Good idea! Look at all the lights! This is beautiful.
I went camping and borrowed a circus tent by mistake. I didn't notice until I got it set up. People complained because they couldn't see the lake.
They are telling me there is no way I can fill up an entire room. There must be a constant reminder that I’m not quite able to fill a room.
And some sad news… the first lesbian couple to be legally get married in the state of Massachusetts has split up. They cited irreconcilable similarities.
Many Zookeeper sequels in the works. Paul Blart Mall Keeper, Kevin James interacts with talking berets at Lids. Then there’s Morning Zookeepers, where he’s a morning deejay and interacting with talking animals.
When we were on the bus doing the Mr. Show Hooray for America Tour there was a lot of laughter and a lot of pot smoking and a lot of speed metal listening and video game playing. Of course that was all Brian Posehn.
When the boys at school found out I had a potentially fatal peanut allergy, they used to hold me up against a wall and play Russian Roulette with a bag of Revels !
Even though your kids will consistently do the exact opposite of what you're telling them to do, you have to keep loving them just as much.
This was enormously challenging, because it involved filling 120 blank pages with an actual story and words people say.