Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 672
There's no skill. You can be a rock and move into another cash bracket.
If I wore a peek-a-boo dress, it would be like turning in a false alarm.
The following statement is true. The previous statement is false.
The government could take away all the drugs in the world and people would spin around on their lawns until they fell down and saw God.
When you get a certain age pussy is not what it was when you was younger… I only fuck so I have a memory to jerk off to later.
To be really great, you need to be naturally funny in order to stand out. But you can work at it, and find the best vehicle that you have to communicate what you're saying to people.
There was this billy goat at a movie studio who found and ate a can of film. When a nanny asked him how he liked it, he said, "It was all right but I liked the book better."
Bankruptcy is a legal proceeding in which you put your money in your pants pocket and give your coat to your creditors.
I'm very tired of staring out into your vacant faces looking back at me. Wanting to fill your empty lives with humor you couldn't possibly think of yourself... Good evening!
Years ago I wrote this short story about my mother called "The Castrating Zionist".