Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 734
I hate when people refer to themselves as Mommy. Your daughter knows who the fuck you are!
They always use the word 'insult' with me, but I don't hurt anybody. I wouldn't be sitting here if I did. I make fun of everybody and exaggerate all our insecurities.
In his defense the alternative was a cinder block. Have you ever punched a cinder block!? Those things are made of… Cinder!
I feel like the American people are being lied to and manipulated. President Bush is trying to force 9/11 and Saddam together.
If conservatives don't want to be seen as bitter people who cling to their guns and religion and anti-immigrant sentiments, they should stop being bitter and clinging to their guns, religion and anti-immigrant sentiments.
I'm constantly tap dancing and wearing bright clothing and talking really loud and smiling all the time. As soon as they can't see me I take off whatever I was wearing, step into my tap shoes, run back stage and turn the music on.
Everyone around me says, You're a genius! You're great! That's your voice! But I'm not sure if they're right.
Valentines Day is the day we celebrate real love. A love so strong that two hearts become one. And when she's happy, you're happy. And when she's angry, you can still choose to be happy, 'cos, what's her deal ? You know, I'm happy. Why is she bringing me down, you know ? Oh great, now look, I'm getting all mad. I hope she's happy. Happy Valentines Day.
I still think people do have racial hang-ups, but I think one of the reasons I can joke about it is people are shedding those racial hatreds.
I started riding the whole 'fluffy' train, and it's a cute word and socially a lot more acceptable than someone saying is fat or obese. If you call a girl 'fat,' yo, she'll raise hell, but if you say, 'Aw girl, look at you, you're fluffy,' there's almost a sexy appeal to it.
I am proud to be an American. Because an American can eat anything on the face of this earth as long as he has two pieces of bread.
I'd like to get some new clothes, but I can't find a Big and Short store.