Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 798

New book on Malcolm X says we don’t know how he was killed. Want to bring in the FBI. Maybe they were in already.

Decorating the gym can't mask the fact that it smells like a mix between corsage and balls.

To give you an idea how well I was doing at the time I quit, I was the only one who knew I quit.

I've got to watch myself these days. It's too exciting watching anyone else.

Rich people are just like us though they now eat their meals off square shaped plates.

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

I changed my act because I wasn't getting booked.

Two guys are talking and one says to the other: 'What would you do if the end of the world was in 3 minutes time?' The other one says: 'I'd shag everything that moved. What would you do?' And he says: 'I'd stand perfectly still.'

The great thing about being up early on a Sunday is nothing.

I wanna live 'til I die, no more, no less.

Frank once slipped something into the pocket of a luggage handler at the airport and said: "Have a drink on me." The luggage handler later found out it was a tea bag.

The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.

When in doubt, go for the dick joke.

We do not believe, had he been white, that he would be dead. And when we black folks say to America that we're not going to tolerate it, it's going to stop.

I knew I was in love. First of all, I was very nauseous.