Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 837
All marionettes are trying to say with this movie, is that if you don't see it, the sock puppets have won.
I didn't come from a background where I saw a lot of loving couples. All my aunts and uncles were either split up or fighting all the time. The only healthy relationships I saw were on TV.
This policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very thin paper. He said, "I want you to trace someone for me."
I wanted to become me, totally me. The more me, the better. I instinctively knew this and I was right.
At the request of the Catholic Church, a three-day sex orgy to be held near Rio de Janeiro was cancelled last Friday. So instead I spent the weekend cleaning my apartment
If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
Dinah Shore? Wonderful woman. Dinah formed a foundation to locate missing senior citizens by putting their pictures on prune juice bottles.
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
Dear girl seductively sucking a lollipop in her pics. We get it. It's a cock. A yummy peen. Too nail on the head.
No one entertains the thought that maybe god does not believe in you.
Make a sex tape, upload it, get on a reality show, release a perfume, retire. That’s the new American dream.
A lot of people think my sarcasm comes from insecurity and defensiveness, but I assure you I'm just being petty and cruel.
Iraq's elite Republican Guard is doing so badly they're changing their name to the Democratic Guard.
I've been a comedian since I was fourteen. But I've never really been a CEO.