Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 837
I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. And apparently I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.
See, you learn about humans when you have a baby. Like girls. Girls are so much more advanced than boys. I seriously think that girls are born in conversation. Like, they come out of the womb, talking: "Are you my mother? Lovely to put a name to a face."
Oh, I can picture myself rattling along Route 66 on that thing, headphones on, singing along to ZZ Top's 'Sharp Dressed Man' or the opening line from 'Born to be Wild' by Steppenwolf - 'Get your motor running...' The trike brings out that in all of us, which is no bad thing. Forget Viagra, get yourself a trike!
I'm working on a screenplay about a guy who teaches a retarded kid to read. It's good. But it is so fucking long.
I had a very close relationship with another kid when I was growing up. I was his imaginary friend.
It means a lot in that I always felt invisible, and I was louder in my own head than I was verbally. I was torturing myself, wanting to say things and not knowing how to be. The stand-up was a way out but it never came easy. So to have something that's named after me make it, and that has history tied to Desi and Freddie and now Freddie Jr., it's unbelievable to me because I never really thought anything good would happen to me.
To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
There was a man sitting in the dining room of the Titanic, he said: "I know I asked for ice, but this is ridiculous."
My mind says one thing, but my body says another. Thanks a lot, Indian food and beer.
Her call to me was a t shirt with a huge picture of me on the corner, monstrous. And under it said Dave. So you wouldn't be confused that this guy was this guy. Exact replica.