Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 887
I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.
If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age.
The Hunchback of Notre-Dame, who said, "This isn't a hump. I ate a canteloupe and it backed up on me." Never got a dinner!
I think Desperate Housewives is a pretty good show, I watch it, I like it and I don't love reality tv that much. I do watch some, I've got three daughters so we'll watch the good stuff, the fun stuff.
Well, my wife and I were married in a toilet - it was a marriage of convenience!
A woman was taking a shower. There is a knock on the door. "Who is it?" "Blind man!" The woman opens the door. "Where do you want these blinds, lady?"
I was born by Caesarian section... but not so you'd notice. It's just that when I leave a house, I go out through the window.
Black men struggle with masculinity so much. The idea that we must always be strong really presses us all down - it keeps us from growing.
When I was a little kid I always wanted to be ginger. My best friend was ginger and he was pretty cool.
The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, "Where the hell is my roof?"
Did I miss a fucking meeting with the coffee? You can get every other flavor except COFFEE FLAVORED COFFEE! They got mochaccino, they've got chococcino, frapaccino, capaccino, rapaccino, Al Pacino, WHAT THE FUCK! www.whattheFUCK.com!!
Have the man at the station put the air in the tires. I did it once myself. Have you ever seen a car with a limp?