Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 916
When you see the veins popping out of my neck, that's an exclamation point.
Do things that make you happy within the confines of the legal system.
A woman's mind is as complex as the contents of her handbag; even when you get to the bottom of it, there is always something at the bottom to surprise you!
The only legitimate excuse you could have for having a baby in those dire, war torn, famine struck conditions - would be to eat it.
I’m not a good actor, I can play myself and a much gayer version of myself. That’s my range.
I never throw parties. Ya know why? Because afterward you always walk around going "What the fuck did they take? Where’s my mom?"
I call 'Community' the best day job in the world, because between takes, I get to write music. I get to write sketches. I get to write movies. It's the best job ever.
Life, is easy. And if someone is ripping your ass, maybe they're just trying to push you. To the peak of your ability. Until, one day, you reach a level that even you didn't think you were capable of. Stick around those people. 'cos, sometimes, when you think someone's screwing you, they're helping you. And then sometimes, they're just screwing you. Little bastard.
I am completely attracted to the idea of simplicity, or at least removing things that seem unnecessary when trying to get an idea out there.
I really hope cell phones aren't bad for us, but I would like the excuse: 'I can't talk right now. You're giving me cancer.'
I had to move in with my girlfriend... It was very successful and we lived very happily in domestic bliss and harmony... for 13 days.
People talk to old people like they're children. 'Oh you're very old aren't you?' Yeah, I'm old. I'm not stupid.
The only thing I'm really suited for is the musical version of Congo.