Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 917
She said, 'I'm your biggest fan,' and I said, 'Who are you?' She said, 'Paris Hilton.'
I always wanted to play a big, black man, but that would cost too much make-up.
The only normal people are the ones you don't know too well.
Look dawg, I know selling the tickets was wrong. But look, I took the 2 grand I made and bought Lovita a real nice rolex watch. So I got 1950 left.
My daughter will say she's hungry, and I'm like, 'Buddy, you're just bored. Do you understand? And you're already starting a pattern of satisfying an internal disconnect with an external stimulation, and that's a dead-end road, sweetie. Courtney Love lives on that road; you don't want to live on that road.'
Lady, if you laugh and you don't make a noise, you're a shaker, and it's freaking me out.
Be yourself. If something you do doesn't work, don't do it the next time. Listen to yourself - you know what appropriate behavior is.
She is nearing forty and not so easily forgiven as when her skin bloomed like roses.
You know, where I come from, an antique, to be called an antique, it has to be at least a hundred years old. That's a law: before you can call something an antique, it has to be a hundred years old. In L.A., something that's been around for a couple of weeks is an antique. It's true! People are like, "Look at this old-fashioned iPod. Look at this! It's the size of a man's hand! Ha ha ha ha. Back then-back then, people thought Mel Gibson was just acting crazy. It was a very different time."