Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 941
Is it a bad sign when you see the person you're dating and get the same feeling as if you just saw police lights in you're rear view mirror?
The one equal right that women will never get... is the equal right of just being able to fuck shamelessly, like men do.
You have to remember: the wife been home all day cleaning asses and feeding faces. Sometimes the opposite.
The Second Amendment says we have the right to bear arms, not to bear artillery.
Did you know that diarrhea can actually kill you? Even if you only drink a little bit.
Well! I feel happy these days. I've started taking a herbal anti-depressant. It's called Saint John's Wort. Apparently it's the best-selling anti-depressant in many places. It's the most popular anti-depressant in Germany... After, I'm guessing, amnesia...
I don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and has AIDS.
‘I’m a gangsta, and gangstas don’t ask questions.’…yes they do ask questions! I thought that was a main point of being a gangster…’Hey, muthafucka, where’s my money??’ that’s a question…”Do you want to die tonight??’ that’s a question too…’what?what?’ That’s two questions.
I'm just saying we can all work on our manners. We can say please and thank you. We can be punctual. We can just be nicer to one another. It's something we have in our power to do.
Everyone is coming from a place of fear and my feeling is stop being so afraid. If something doesn’t work then that’s fine at least then you know it doesn’t work. Don’t worry so much about it not working, you can always fix that.
I was in the park, pulling out stray nose hairs with my pliers. Those sleeping winos hate it when you do that.