Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 966
I just know keeping track of what I'm doing and where I'm going is important to me.
I wasn't always black... there was this freckle, and it got bigger and bigger.
Life isn't something you possess. It's something you take part in, and you witness.
The only thing I'm really suited for is the musical version of Congo.
People see me in the suit and they know I'm not fooling anyone, they know I'm rock and roll through and through.
I got my first break and became a singing waiter at eighteen or nineteen. I couldn't make a living at it. I quit. Then I got married and sold aluminum siding. My wife had problems physically. It was not good.
The simple combination of letters and sounds you select as a name for your baby can result in a life of carefree coolness or decades of expensive therapy. "Hi, I'm Jake" versus "Hi, I'm... Tapioca"
You know, the New Testament is pretty old. I think they should call them the Old Testament and the Most Recent Testament.
Sometimes my pathology just spills out into the camera, doesn't it?
Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.
What's so touching is the way we fight the war right until the moment our business is taken care of and then we turn on a dime and we immediately start taking care of people. It's like a shock and aw shucks campaign.
You can never do jokes about somebody dying! Its disrespectful! How would you feel if you died?