Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 998
... you've probably worked out by now that all our songs are ridiculously long to make up for the total lack of content.
The expression "working like a dog" dates back to a time in America when men would rise early, then lie around all day and lick their balls.
I don't have a type, really. But I've always been more attracted to girls who yell "fire."
It was a pretty posh place. They were so used to fur coats that two bears strolled in and ordered lunch and nobody even noticed.
The University of Ilinois has hired 15 women to smell pig manure all day so that researchers can find out what makes pig manure smell so bad. You know who I feel sorry for? The woman who applied for this job and got turned down.
Why would anyone want to put a mosque at ground zero when we could put a Six Flags at ground zero?
I'm a bit of a potty mouth. My dad used to wash out my mouth with soap, but that was just to get rid of any traces of his DNA.
I’m sick and tired of people bashing this great land of ours. People call us lazy. We’re not lazy folks. We’ve only been in this country for 300 years. We’ve built nuclear weapons plants, malls, factories. We’re not lazy, we’re done.
If you watch the news and don't like it, then this is your counter program to the news.
US needs to fix up it's election system so that votes are fairly counted, and the Electoral College is removed.
I would have sex with a 17 year old boy. But the only problem is most of them still live at home with their mama. And I am too old to be sneaking into a bitch’s house to have sex with her son on a twin bed. Do you know how hard it is to have sex on a twin bed? To try to keep your balance on a bed with some Star Wars sheets on it?