Quotes & Jokes by Don Rickles


I used to play golf. I wanted to be a better player, but after a while I realized I'd always stink. And that's when I really started to enjoy the game.

You can't study comedy; it's within you. It's a personality. My humor is an attitude.

Showbiz is great if you're successful.

Political correctness? In my humor, I never talk about politics. I was never much into all that.

I don't care if the average guy on the street really knows what I'm like, as long as he knows I'm not really a mean, vicious guy. My friends and family know what I'm really like. That's what's important.

Eddie Fisher married to Elizabeth Taylor is like me trying to wash the Empire State Building with a bar of soap.

Asians are nice people, but they burn a lot of shirts.

Who picks your clothes - Stevie Wonder?

You lose your energy, you lose that excitement and it gets the audience up.

I think if I took therapy, the doctor would quit. He'd just pick up the couch and walk out of the room.

You know what's funny to me? Attitude.

No matter where you go in this world, you will always find a Jew sitting in the beach chair next to you.

I've never walked off stage and said, "I shouldn't have done that." Because when you do what I do, you're like a fighter. You throw the right hand and say, "That's what got me to this dance." You can't have doubt. If you have doubt, there's no show.

You throw your best punch, otherwise don't do it.

It takes many years to be a great comedian.