Quotes & Jokes by Don Rickles
I used to play golf. I wanted to be a better player, but after a while I realized I'd always stink. And that's when I really started to enjoy the game.
You can't study comedy; it's within you. It's a personality. My humor is an attitude.
Political correctness? In my humor, I never talk about politics. I was never much into all that.
Eddie Fisher married to Elizabeth Taylor is like me trying to wash the Empire State Building with a bar of soap.
I don't care if the average guy on the street really knows what I'm like, as long as he knows I'm not really a mean, vicious guy. My friends and family know what I'm really like. That's what's important.
You lose your energy, you lose that excitement and it gets the audience up.
I think if I took therapy, the doctor would quit. He'd just pick up the couch and walk out of the room.
No matter where you go in this world, you will always find a Jew sitting in the beach chair next to you.
I've never walked off stage and said, "I shouldn't have done that." Because when you do what I do, you're like a fighter. You throw the right hand and say, "That's what got me to this dance." You can't have doubt. If you have doubt, there's no show.