Quotes & Jokes by Martin Lawrence

Sorry, I had told Craig and them I'm gon' kick it with them. Gotta go! See you when I see you!

White parents use time out. My mom used a different type of time out. She'd be like, 'There... take time out to pick up your teeth.'

Go head on, with yo' fat apple pie ass, Aunt Bea!

There better not be a black person in here that says they don't know nobody in jail... 'cause that's bullshit. Ray-Ray, Earl, Craig, Shorty Tim, Lil' Reg, all them motherfuckers in jail... Shonda's little brother... all of 'em, in jail... chillin'.

You can be cool and at the same time respect your woman, who will hopefully become your wife, who will hopefully become the mother of your kids. America needs to get back to family values.

God inspired me, because I was blessed with the knowledge that I wanted to do this. And my mother supported it. She said, 'Whatever it is you want to do. If you believe acting or comedy is what you really want to do, I can only tell you it's not easy, it's very hard, but I'll support you.' Her supporting me enabled me to move forward.

Nobody's ever challenged me and tapped into what I can do. I ain't played a villain which I believe I can do and do real well. There hasn't been any director who has been able to challenge me to go there. At this point in my life I've done a lot of things from stand-up to my own television show for five years to successful comedy shows, and concert films.

I don't really judge. To each his own. You like what you like. If you want someone who's big-boned and you like that, ain't nothing wrong with having a little extra meat on there. If you like them thin-boned, then thats okay too.

We grew to know the meaning of love. That is what allowed me and my family to stay close together.

Boxing kept me out of the streets, by giving me something to do. And it gave me a father figure in the coach that was there for me. I just reiterated what my mother was trying to teach me about focusing and getting my life together.

No one is immune to the trials and tribulations of life.

Somebody put something in his mouth. My zipper's stuck.

I don't want to sound facetious, but humour is the key to the soul. You know what I mean?

I don't live to eat, I eat to live.

You make due with the time you have here. Hopefully when you pass on, somebody can look back and say, 'Wow, they made a difference in some kind of way.'