Quotes and Jokes by Martin Lawrence

Martin Fitzgerald Lawrence is an American stand-up comedian, actor, producer, talk show host, and writer.

Top 15 Most Popular Quotes (out of 31)

#1

Sorry, I had told Craig and them I'm gon' kick it with them. Gotta go! See you when I see you!

126
#2

No one is immune to the trials and tribulations of life.

89
#3

Go head on, with yo' fat apple pie ass, Aunt Bea!

50
#4

Here’s a synonym for procreation... fuck you.

39
#5

Somebody put something in his mouth. My zipper's stuck.

39
#6

I don't want to sound facetious, but humour is the key to the soul. You know what I mean?

24
#7

I don't live to eat, I eat to live.

20
#8

White parents use time out. My mom used a different type of time out. She'd be like, 'There... take time out to pick up your teeth.'

19
#9

There better not be a black person in here that says they don't know nobody in jail... 'cause that's bullshit. Ray-Ray, Earl, Craig, Shorty Tim, Lil' Reg, all them motherfuckers in jail... Shonda's little brother... all of 'em, in jail... chillin'.

13
#10

On the Wizard of Oz Lion's lookin' for some courage... Tin Man's lookin' for a heart... ain't none of them lookin' for some pussy, and they skippin' down the street with a bitch!

8
#11

Nobody's ever challenged me and tapped into what I can do. I ain't played a villain which I believe I can do and do real well. There hasn't been any director who has been able to challenge me to go there. At this point in my life I've done a lot of things from stand-up to my own television show for five years to successful comedy shows, and concert films.

7
#12

I'm most proud of the blessings that God has bestowed upon me, in my life. He's given me the vision to truly see that you can fall down, but you can still get back up. Hopefully I'll learn from my mistakes and have the opportunity to strengthen and improve the next thing I do.

7
#13

Here goes all these rumors writin' about me. I see on the paper, one of'em says "Martin tries to jump out of a plane using his jacket as a parachute." Now ain't that some bullshit! As I'm trying to get my life together, they're gonna write that bullshit. I know damn well you can't jump out no plane using your jacket as a parachute. Shit, I know you got to use your pants.

6
#14

You used to be looking good from afar. Now you just far from looking good!

6
#15

It's botherin' me, man. You know, "you can't say this, you can't say that," I'm like, well, how am I gonna talk about the world? You know? I mean I need to talk about something to you all, can I - can I do it? Can I talk to y'all? I mean, I hope the kids are in bed, you know, because I got to talk, y'all.

5