Quotes and Jokes by Red Buttons

Red Buttons was an American actor and comedian. He won an Oscar and a Golden Globe for his supporting role in the 1957 film Sayonara.

Top 15 Quotes (out of 123)


Joseph Cotten, who said, "You know how I got my name? Sammy Davis picked it for me." Never got a dinner!


Ben Hur, who said to his sister Ben Him, "We'd better swap names before they start calling me Ben Gay!" Never got a dinner!


Uncle Remus, who said to Uncle Ben, "You're a credit to your rice." Never got a dinner!


Crispus Attucks, who said, "Don't shoot till you see the whites!" Never got a dinner!


Joe Torre, who switched to first base because he didn't want to go through life as Chicken Catcher Torre. Never got a dinner!


James Cagney, who said to Mickey Mouse, "You dirty rat!" Never got a dinner!


Sophia Loren, whose new baby asked her, "Is all that for me?" Never got a dinner!


Dolly Parton, who said to Mrs. Olson, "Yes, they're mountain-grown." Never got a dinner!


Sure, I've gotten old. I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees... I've fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, and take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. I have bouts with dementia, poor circulation, hardly feel my hands or feet anymore, can't remember if I'm 85 or 92, but... thank God, I still have my Florida driver’s license!


Amelia Earhart, who said, "Stop looking for me; see if you can find my luggage!" Never got a dinner!


Dean Martin’s great-great-uncle, Ebenezer Martin, who said to Eli Whitney, "I see the cotton, but where’s the gin?" Never got a dinner!


Eve, who asked Adam, "Does this fig leaf make me look fat?" Never got a dinner! (Got an apple, but never got a dinner.)


Ray Charles, who said to Stevie Wonder, "Maybe we're white." Never got a dinner!


Moshe Dayan, who said to Sammy Davis, Jr., "That’s funny, to me you only look half Jewish." Never got a dinner!


Henry Ford, who despite his immense wealth never owned a Cadillac. Never got a dinner!