Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1145
The Cadillac Escalade is the perfect vehicle for a pimp with a growing family.
There’s a need to perfect things in a writers’ room, and that can take a lot of fun out of a show sometimes. It’s a struggle. It depends on your personality. Some people love working with a writing staff. I had a great writing staff on Lucky Louie, but it sometimes felt like Congress or something.
I refuse to feel guilty. I feel guilty about too much in my life but not about money. I went through periods when I had nothing, so somebody in my family has to get stinkin' wealthy.
Farrah's dressing room was next to mine. There was a little hole in the wall. I let her look.
One thing that I've always wanted to do ever since I was little. I've always want to be abducted by a UFO. Yeah, sometimes I just go hang out in the woods. I'm just waiting for that blue light... "Ahh!" That's how they suck you up by a beam of light, they suck you up by your chest, and that's not necessary. Throw a rope ladder down, I'll climb up, I'm interested. I'm here for you. Don't suck me up by my chest, that hurts. You're a hovering craft, why wouldn't I come in and poke around for a minute? It would be great to be abducted. What did you guy's do this weekend? "Dude, we got hammered, it was awesome." Ohh yeah? I was abducted. I was zipping around the galaxy.
You should laugh everywhere you can find even the slightest glimmer of humour.
I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.
America doesn't exist; it's just dirt that has fucking lines drawn around it. Old guys put lines on it at one point. It's all fucking dirt.
I do not know if God exists, but if there is, I hope he has a good excuse!
If you go down as a comedian's comedian, that's basically meaning other comedians are hopefully feeling that you're doing okay.