Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 472
I like any big city. I like any place where you can see a guy with a pants-full of pooh fighting a ghost.
Lot, who said to his wife as she was being turned into a pillar of salt, "Salt we got plenty. Coffee we need." Never got a dinner!
That's religion. You pray. You bow. You kneel. You fast. You trim the balls of a giant space penis.
If you're going to dedicate your career to ranting about the excesses of American capitalism, you probably shouldn't weigh 450 pounds.
The fashion magazines are suggesting that women wear clothes that are 'age appropriate'. For me that would be a shroud.
When you’re in young love your pulse pounds, your palms sweat, and there are butterflies in your stomach. It’s like diarrhea for your heart.
When I worked in clubs, I had to be alert until 2, maybe 3 in the morning. I found it best to sleep during the daytime.
It is the best part of the night. The classic interactive lines are 'Where are you from? What do you do for a living?' I almost always get something interesting.
When I was a kid, my nickname was Mr. Baseball. Because of the stitches.