Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 480

The comic strip is what I looked at, and it's another reason I did it. The comic strip, where animals would comment on human behaviour, interested me.

We have white people problems in America. You know what that is? That’s when your life is amazing, so you just make stuff up to get worried about.

Puberty is the sickest joke God plays on us. So you're just noticing members of the sex: "Girls girls, ooo". Naturally you want to look your best, and God says "No! You will look the worst you've ever looked in your life!"

The worst thing to call somebody is crazy. It's dismissive.

I will probably have sex with Eminem after the show is over. Probably, I don't see why I wouldn't. I'm fair game, its not like I'm that picky, you've seen the guys I've dated. I like Swizz Beatz, just because I would like to yell out in bed, Swizz Beatz! Keep it coming!

I don’t want to be niche… I want to be as big as I can be. This album is not a rap album, I want to make pop. I don’t mean pop like Katy Perry, and I love that, I’ll play that shit at my wedding, but… Peter Gabriel’s pop, Hall & Oates was pop… but I want it to be real.

When you’re in young love your pulse pounds, your palms sweat, and there are butterflies in your stomach. It’s like diarrhea for your heart.

At least drug dealers have some integrity. There is no integrity when it comes to entertainment.

I don't need to be redundant to the gay community about what's wrong and what isn't happening for them.

I think my life is a movie and your life reflects your work.

I shouldn't be near Vegas and have money in my pocket.

We're in the process of remodeling our house; we've been doing it for a while now. And we have the painters in, putting sheets up around the furniture, you know? And we have a piano, just a regular, up against the wall piano. One of the painters said to me, "Is that y'all's piano?" I said, "Nah, that's our coffee table, it just has buckteeth!" Here's your sign!

That’s why when I talk to younger comics, and they say, ‘Well I need this and this, and I need so and so,’ I tell them they don’t need nothing. All you need is some great idea and go shoot it.

Do you know? What the fuck do women want? l know what you want: everything.

Funniest thing happened though, you wouldn't believe it, ha, the mannequins came to life. I went insane.