Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 628
Even the incorruptible are corruptible if they cannot accept the possibility of being mistaken. Infallibility is a sin in any man. All laws can be broken and are. Often.
That's the funny thing about religion: it doesn't matter what you say, you're going to upset someone.
I'm the only person on Earth who's not afraid to admit that black people are better dancers than white people! I said it, I said it! You were all thinking it, I said it!
Women like jewelry. They’re like racoons: show them some shiny stuff and they’ll follow you home.
Let us just say: I was deeply unhappy, but I didn't know it, because I was so happy all the time.
In school, I wasn't a very good student - I was very irresponsible and never did the studying but always liked to get the laugh.
The war in Iraq is still going on. The British are helping. Mexico wants to help, but they need a ride over there.
The problem is that the people with the most ridiculous ideas are always the people who are most certain of them.
Are your feet tired? Because you’ve been stomping on my dreams for a while now. Let’s break up.
My nephew said, "Uncle Emo, are you giving me a puppy for Christmas?" I said, "Now, now! You've been shaking the box, haven't you?"
When I get in an elevator, the operator takes one look and says, "Basement?"