Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 710

Life is hard for insects. And don't think mice are having any fun either.

When I was a boy, I laid in my twin size bed, wondering where my brother was.

I've been doin' drive-bys all of my life. Except the bullets are newspapers, the car is my bike.

I'm dating a younger sexier crowd.

I never said I was funny, OK, so stop staring at me...

At that point, we worked to contain the fire from the outside.

My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.

I don't think my comedy is that political. It's more social. But whatever. When you make comedy and you do stand-up, you work alone. Movies have to go under so much scrutiny. A stand-up special is a vision, and a movie is a consensus in a lot of ways.

It was fun because, after shooting, Will and I would eat a jar of pickles and tell each other secrets. It was so much fun!

Without the reality, it's just slamming into things. If you start with that physical comedy, then things surely but slowly fall apart. But you build on that reality and then you can go pretty outrageous - up to the Keaton-like gags.

I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it.

That's the formaldehyde. That's why Granny's so well-preserved.

I want to get so famous that I don't have to wake up in the morning. It'll probably never happen.

I haven't reached nirvana yet, but I've been to Detroit.

If you`re involved in with something that`s original, you know, you`ll always go back and try to rehash it.