Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 728
You might be a redneck if the flood history of the area can be seen on your living room walls.
The overhead lights reflect in the glass countertop and mingle in the gray and black of the gloves, resulting in a mother-of-pearl swirl that sometimes sends Mirabelle into a shallow hypnotic dream.
Whoo! Heidi! Little goat girl, you are kicking the jam. You've got my lederhosen in a situation.
It is a point of pride for the American male to keep the same size jockey shorts for his entire life.
Look, I'm not going to put pressure on the boy. If he's good... Great. If he's bad... If he quits, he's dead.
There's someone out there for everyone - even if you need a pickaxe, a compass, and night goggles to find them.
She said I was afraid of success, which may in fact be true, because I have a feeling that fufilling my potential would really cut into my sittin' around time.
Basically, I got into stand-up because I’m too egocentric to be an actor and not disciplined enough to be a writer.
Sometimes it's hard to tell if a joke is working or not for the first couple of minutes.
I really love Barack Obama. Sorry if that’s like “Ew. The president. That’s lame.” I love Barack Obama. What a great man. I’m so lucky to have voted for that guy.
The Devil: Okay, are there any questions? Yes? No, I'm afraid we don't have any toilets. If had read your bible, you might have seen it was damnation WITHOUT relief.