Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 731
Everyone wants to look good in photographs, even us trolls who tell jokes.
These days it's hard to look at a poodle without thinking what a good meal he would make.
The snake is 20 inches long and black so if we need someone to find it, call the Kardashians.
I wrote my friend a letter with a highlighting pen, but he could not read it, he thought I was trying to show him certain parts of a piece of paper.
I bought one of those anti-bullying wristbands when they first came out. I say ‘bought’, I actually stole it off a short, fat ginger kid.
They make these outrageous comedies and just use these kids as props. They're not beings who are transforming.
I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it.
Have you ever felt your penis invert before? I had to sit down and pee for a month.
It's not for any purpose such as religion, health, or things like that, I just never felt I had the need or want to drink or do drugs.
I feel like I have a hangover, without all the happy memories and mystery bruises.
As we're staggering out of the hospital, I don't remember doing this because I was still high, but apparently I turned to the entire operating room staff and screamed "hey! I'd better not see this on YouTube!"