Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 731
Maid Marion, who said to Robin Hood, "I will not live in a house with a Little John." Never got a dinner!
Do whatever you want, whenever you want to do it and, as long as you look confident, no one will give you any shit. Put that on the back of a locket, then swallow it.
It should not be an act of social disobedience to light a cigarette. Unless you're actually a doctor working at an incubator.
I'm going back out on the road. I love it, but I do need the money. It's a very safe high for me.
For a long time the people at my shows were sort of the Pantera-tattoo trucker guys, really cool dudes, but I don't know what happened to them. That's the crowd that I like, the ones that don't get so offended just to be offended.
We had to break up, though. We wanted different things - like he wanted kids and I wanted him to hear.
The New York Police Department says Iran has conducted surveillance inside New York City. They say Iranian operatives are using special mobile surveillance units. I believe they're called taxi cabs.
As the poet said, "Only God can make a tree", probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
They're not going to teach science at all. What they do is take the science students down to the lake, tie them in burlap sacks, and throw them in. If God thinks they're good science students, they float.
These days, teachers have it rough. Kids can be hyperactive, disobedient, and obnoxious. It must feel like being locked in a room of drunk midgets.
I really enjoyed doing the book, but you don't get any reinforcement. You just sit in a room being yourself for a long time, and it's hard to get comfortable with that. The idea of getting back in there in a room with a bunch of funny people and just cranking out jokes is just really appealing to me.