Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 881

I was a hip kid. When I saw Bambi it was the midnight show.

Lower your expectations and live your life like it isn't yours.

This is not the most right I've ever been.

The greatest thing you can do is surprise yourself.

We made this movie for $17, and nobody got anything. So it never dawned on me that we would get real people.

I couldn't be a responsible enough parent if my kid was born with a new suit and a full-time job.

I'm not smart enough to write about something that didn't actually happen to me. But I couldn't write a space movie if you put a gun to my head.

Sleep is so cute when it tries to compete with the internet.

Where did you go to finishing school? On a pirate ship?

Santa is very jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live.

If I've learned anything in my 30s, it's about holding back a little bit.

By the numbers, this was the worst way to have done it. He couldn't think straight. It was fight or flight - and he chose flight.

I have a wonderful make-up crew. They're the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty.

I wanted to be an arch-criminal as a child, before I discovered I was too short.

I'm not on a diet. And it’s funny cause people go ‘Well, then why do you drink diet soda?’ So I can eat regular cake.