Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 948
You know what's the greatest part of anything ever in the history of everything? Exaggeration. No, wait; it's correcting yourself. No, better yet, it's making lists.
Talking of white supremacist violent types, I was in America, recently...
Using profanity is an indicator that you lack class, or feel strongly about being something, and want to get your fuckin' point across.
I'll bet there aren't too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes.
We are just happy that we are here in Brazil and that this was a good ending.
Ivory's the kind of girl who gets drunk and immediately starts slurring. I have a lot of friends like that, and I think it's because it makes me look more together.
This job has explained to me who I am - I'm not kidding. I always knew I was an actor, but kind of not. I always knew I was a writer, but kind of not. I knew was a producer, but kind of not. It's really a peculiar confluence of skills and experiences that put you in the right position to do this job. But I know now what I am. I'm this. Whatever this is. Now that I know this it's really helped me in my life.
I can't tell you his age, but when he was born the wonder drug was Mercurochrome.
Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not a door?
When I first started doing comedy years ago, I used to be the biggest Michael Richards fan. I used to love this dude. He was on a TV show called 'Fridays,' and man, he was tall and lanky - and I was tall and lanky. I love physical comedy, and he was a physical comedian, and I said, 'Man, I love this guy.'