Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 980
If I put forth a legitimate effort, then I feel like, if that doesn't work out, that's all I can do.
My favorite Dylan song? I think it's 'Just Like a Woman.' It always makes me cry.
Occasionally, when I lived in London, I would have sex with a girl from an aristocratic family. I always enjoyed doing to them what their ancestors did to my country.
What I've learned about comedy people is that they're defined by the harshest level they've been to, their personal Auschwitz.
I recently turned fifty, which is young for a tree, midlife for an elephant, and ancient for a quarter miler, who's son now says, "Dad, I just can't run the quarter with you anymore unless I bring something to read."
You might be a redneck if the receptionist checks the rat traps at your place of business.
There are fears that Britain could be facing a double-dip recession, or worse still, a double-dip with misery sprinkles and fuck-where's-my-job-sauce.
In spite of the six thousand manuals on child raising in the bookstores, child raising is still a dark continent and no one really knows anything. You just need a lot of love and luck - and, of course, courage.
If you laugh at that, you lower the bar, and I will limbo under it because I am a fucked-up guy!
I don't call her my middle child, I call her my center child, Because the world revolves around her.
This is brought to you by HBO, which is a subsidiary of Time Warner, also owned by America Online. You've got mail! I hope you don't have stocks.
When it comes to sex there are certain things that should always be left unknown, and with my luck, they probably will be.
Laughter separates us from despair, and gives us a chance at love.