Quotes & Jokes about Parents / page 2

55 quotes

A message to parents who think legalizing weed will make their kids want to try it: they will anyway.

Of course, everybody's family is dysfunctional - we've accepted that. What are we supposed to do? Hate our parents for the rest of our lives?

I was at my parents' house all day - because I live there.

As you get older you realize your parents don't look so dumb - and that you're not as smart as you thought you were.

I have no religion because I was born and raised Jewish. And on the first night of Hanukkah, my parents, when I was very young, gave me a top to play with. They called it a dreidel. I knew it was a top. And as I looked at that top, I said, 'You know. I don't think I'm gonna be Jewish for very long.'

Love. It's God's greatest gift. He fills our world with it and makes sure we grow up with caring, supportive parents. I'm just kidding. Pain is God's greatest gift. Pain is God's way of saying, "Hurts, don't it ? Well, go ahead. Say, me dammit again."

I remember when I took a temp job... so I got a job at a department store. Something temporary to put on my resume, my parents said. Yeah... till I die!

Parents are not interested in justice, they're interested in peace and quiet.

Where are all the sour patch parents?

Your parents want you to go to college because while you're away at college, they're fucking on your bed.

Baby, were your parents retarded, 'cause you sure are special...

My parents stayed together for forty years. But that was out of spite.

Parents are trying to be friends with their kids rather than draw the line and tell them what proper public behavior would be.

Sun is bad for you. Everything our parents said was good is bad. Sun, milk, red meat... college.

All that I ask is that you do every little thing that pops into my head, while I enjoy the enormous fortune your parents left behind.