Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1014
I was lucky, you know, I always had a beautiful girl and the money was good. Although I would have done the whole thing over for, oh, perhaps half.
God forbid those kids won't have something to suck on all night!
No one who has had “Taps” played for them has ever been able to hear it.
This is TV the way it's supposed to be, ain't it? Let's try on jackets. It's fun!
In just a few minutes, my son will have completed his first trip around the sun.
He doesn't sound like a guy who's done a onesome, let alone a threesome.
I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
I like to come to Washington, D.C., at least once a year. Why should my tax money travel more than I do?
The only reason I sound depressed is because I'm tired of anxiety.
It is interesting that the black BMW is the preferred car of so many assholes.
What do they call that hat Jewish guys always wear? A Yankees cap.
I want to be the greatest actor that ever lived, frankly. I'd love that. But I don't need to be. I just want to be here. That's it.
You know what's ironic is that I am against the death penalty, and yet, my porno name is Lethal Injection. Isn't that weird?
The amazing thing is there are people who've never left this country who talk about the fact that we're the greatest country on Earth. How fucking dumb is that?! Cuz you don't know, if you haven't left here you don't know. There are countries that may be giving shit away every day! Canada's one of those countries. You know what they give away? Health insurance!