Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 163
The South has more of a disproportionate amount of irony on T-shirts than any other region in the country.
Note to self... Sex with blow-up doll is not as good as advertised.
I'm not motivated to entertain people through Twitter, so just by having Twitter and not saying anything, I make people mad.
I just want real reactions. I want people to laugh from the gut, be sad from the gut, or get angry from the gut.
Men read maps better than women because only men can understand the concept of an inch equaling a hundred miles.
I once made love for an hour and fifteen minutes, but it was the night the clocks are set ahead.
If you date, you will meet your share of weirdos and jerks. That is as sure as death and taxes.
Let's see what's going on over in Iraq. A Burger King has opened up and prostitutes are back on the street of Baghdad after 20 years. Fast food and hookers - they are truly living the American Dream.
They're turning kids into slaves just to make cheaper sneakers. But what's the real cost 'cause the sneakers don't seem that much cheaper. Why are we paying so much for sneakers when they're made by little slave kids? What are your overheads?
Y'all can relax about that Osama bin Laden shit coz I'm a handle the shit myself. Coz I can't understand how they can't find the motherfucker, six foot six with a nappy beard and a towel on his head, while they can find my cousin four foot eleven in Compton. Nigga worth half a billion dollars, just look for the cave with the satellite hook up, if there's a Rolls Royce parked in front of the cave, nigga probably in there. You walk in and there's velvet paintings of Saddam Hussein, I think the nigga in there, I mean who do they got looking for this guy Colon Powell?
Horses are among the most regal, majestic creatures to hold up traffic while they stop to shit in the street.