Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 207
They create these rules and argue about things we don't even understand. It is like watching soccer. You sit there and you're sort of amused, but most of the time you're thinking, "pick up the ball!" That's what you're thinking.
Now see, a lot of critics are saying Arnold can't get elected because he's just an ambitious guy with a famous name, who doesn't know anything about running the government. Didn't hurt George Bush.
When I went into Bobby's World, I had no idea it would be a success. I had been doing the Bobby voice as part of my nightclub adult act for years.
I love and treasure individuals as I meet them; I loathe and despise the groups they identify with and belong to.
They say the universe is expanding. That should help ease the traffic.
No matter what time of year it's always funny when a person walks by me dressed in religious garb and I say Happy Halloween!
One time I visited my mother and found St. Anthony's statue upside down. I say, 'Mama, why's St. Anthony upside down?' 'He don't answer my novena, he stays that way!'
If they played the world hunger commercials with some dope beats, they'd probably get mad donations son!
This movie will actually increase the sex life of parents everywhere because they can put this on, with the 45 minutes of extras and they've got almost two hours to do whatever they've got to do while the kids watch the movie.
Let's face it: a date is a job-interview, that lasts all night. The only difference between a date and a job interview is: not many job-interviews is there a chance you'll end up naked at the end of it.
You grow up real quick, a half-Mexican in a sailor's suit, because I'd be riding the streetcar to school everyday - minding my own business, humming out a 'Frere Jacques' - and I realized that in any other town, this might be considered cute. But you know what it is in San Francisco? Sexy.
Will somebody get the knife and fork out of my leg, please? Can somebody please remove these cutleries from my knees?
I hope everybody could get rich and famous and will have everything they ever dreamed of, so they will know that its not the answer.
I never learn. Like a waitress will bring my meal. "Hey, enjoy your meal." "You, too. But you don’t have one, do ya? I’m a dufus. If you do eat enjoy it when you eat it if you have a break or something, later. If you get an opportunity." That’s all I’m trying to say.