Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 323
Will god punish them or will he leave it to the correct of authorities?
Because criminals know that when they see a house with 2 foot tall grass, a dog on a chain, and an engine hanging from a tree, a gun lives in that house. And if you want to know what kind, just break in at 2 in the morning.
Religion. It's given people hope in a world torn apart by religion.
Most of my family were nuts. My mother gave my sister's dolls polio shots.
The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
There's a one in six billion chance you'll find your soul mate. And that's if they're not dead. At best they're probably living in some Siberian ice cave eating bugs and weaving beads into their back hair. But they're out there. My dad believed that to find your perfect soul mate, first, you had to look through a bunch of other guys' soul mates.
If the people of New Zealand want to be part of our world, I believe they should hop off their islands, and push 'em closer.
My dog learned how to beg by watching me through the bedroom door.
I think you should defend to the death their right to march, and then go down and meet them with baseball bats.
Most people think white people can't dance. Truth is, white people be too fucked up to dance.
A Canadian psychologist is selling a video that teaches you how to test your dog's IQ. Here's how it works: if you spend $12.99 for the video, your dog is smarter than you.
I'm glad I'm not bisexual. I couldn't stand being rejected by men as well as women.