Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 339
It's a great day in America when white people, black people and Latinos can all come together and pick on another minority.
Saying “yes” doesn’t mean I don’t know how to say no, and saying “please” doesn’t mean I am waiting for permission.
In the distance, Bo saw a fairy. A fairy so beautiful that he felt proud of being called one in high school.
You’re not a bunch of people lock-stepped with the politically correct. Oh no! Don’t shoot the animals! They might get their feelings hurt!
They just tested the tap water in Los Angeles and they found traces of estrogen and antidepressants in the tap water. So it’s nice to know my son’s going to grow up and have huge breasts but it’s not going to bother him that much.
Live each day as if it were your last...because one day, you'll be right!
Comic-Con starts today. It’s a four-day celebration of science fiction and comics. Every year, an army of geeks descends on San Diego. If you live anywhere other than San Diego and you need a computer fixed, you’re screwed.
His tattoos are like shit that you wrote on the cover of your notebook.
Even if you didn't see the movie, you'd see two words you'd never seen put together before - comedy and Muslim. Comedy is friendly - it's the least offensive word in our language.
You can accept that things are awful and still have a sense of humor about it.
Whether the reasoning for these laws is insurance costs, more opportunities for random taxation through traffic stops, curbing lost production or any other justification that could be offered, the bottom line is that it isn't governments place. You own your body. No legislation should infringe on that.
My parents just didn't like me. Till I was 9, my mother was trying to get an abortion. That sticks with you. That hurts. She said to her doctor, 'Is there any possible way to get rid of this thing?'