Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 383
Listen, Dim Sum, you little fuck fuck, I didn't pay a hundred dollars for a fucking towel rub.
Don't order one for the road, because the road is already laid out.
At the Christmas party, the secretary with the long red hair ate three pickles, and four salesmen panicked.
My wife is funny. And I dabble in it. So being funny is big around our house. But what's surprised me is my daughter can do an English accent. I don't know how she learned this.
The whole Valentine's thing is fine, but you don't back it up right next to the biggest gift-giving holiday of the year. Unbelievable. And we find it acceptable.
You know you're lazy when you run out of toilet paper and use the cardboard roll to wipe with.
She is not perfect. You are not perfect. The question is whether or not you are perfect for each other.
Some black people want to get in touch with their African roots. But then you got some black people that just don't give a damn. You tell them, 'Hey, I just got back from the motherland.' They're like, 'Where'd you go - Detroit? Did you see The Temptations?'
I made mistakes and I broke the law and I'm more than willing to pay a price for that. But there's a price beyond that that my children have paid, and that's not what was supposed to happen.
You know what I love best about baseball? The pine tar, the resin, the grass, the dirt - and that's just in the hot-dogs.
Why go to France when you can smell the same people in coffee shops here in America.
As for Tenacious D, of course it could work as a full length movie; all it requires is a great writer and great director with an ability to think outside of conventional film comedy.