Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 404
When you eat a lot of spicy food, you can lose your taste. When I was in India last summer, I was listening to a lot of Michael Bolton.
Ours is a youth culture, and like a golf tournament, we honor only low scores.
Here's the thing - I'm single, I haven't been married, I don't have kids yet. If I do have kids I would be interested to see them in my life, so here's a movie for kids and I'm in there and I'm supposed to be kind of funny for kids.
Religion has what is easily the greatest bullshit story of all time.
I said to my husband, "Why don't you call out my name when we're making love?" He said, "I don't want to wake you up."
I mean, maybe one day we will live in a more optimum world where terrorists come in every color of the rainbow. But the truth is, now they don't. I mean, the people who are trying to get us are young Muslim men, period.
You know the little camel on the pack of cigarettes? They just found out that's not even a camel. It's actually a horse with a big, old tumor growing out of its mouth.
You have options when it comes to abortion now. It's not like 1955 when you just had to kick her down a staircase and hope for the best.
What I am for is justice for everyone, just like it says in the Constitution.
Interesting poll results reported in today's New York Post: people on the street in midtown Manhattan were asked whether they approved of the US invasion of Grenada. Fifty-three percent said yes; 39 percent said no; and 8 percent said "Gimme a quarter?"
I don't want to tell you how much insurance I carry with the Prudential, but all I can say is: when I go, they go too.
In a series of wonderful essays, Evan Handler gives himself up to us - warts and all. To our amusement and bemusement we share in his emotional growth as he struggles to mature. I not only laughed along with him but felt that I too had grown a little along the way. Who could ask for more?