Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 406
It's a pleasure to play my sister because everything I've accused her of my whole life, I can now re-enact before her eyes.
The reality is I'm not a 'get knocked down and come back harder' kind of guy.
I'm not interesting enough on my own that you'd want to see a film about me.
80% of the women who were asked if they fake orgasms said yes. Actually, they said "Yes! Oh God, Yes!"
On the Wizard of Oz Lion's lookin' for some courage... Tin Man's lookin' for a heart... ain't none of them lookin' for some pussy, and they skippin' down the street with a bitch!
When you're watching the news, how many days in a row can you watch that and feel good about yourself and the world?
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
It is funny because the guy who is my boss now, Howard Stern, has a similarity there. He got big being a regular guy. He wasn't the greatest looking guy in the world.
It's your aptitude, not just your attitude that determines your ultimate altitude.
In a series of wonderful essays, Evan Handler gives himself up to us - warts and all. To our amusement and bemusement we share in his emotional growth as he struggles to mature. I not only laughed along with him but felt that I too had grown a little along the way. Who could ask for more?
I feel responsible for Johnny Ray's success. See many years ago I asked him to be on my show and he asked for a lot of money and I cried. And he stole that from me.