Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 470
When I worked in clubs, I had to be alert until 2, maybe 3 in the morning. I found it best to sleep during the daytime.
Terry was so angry; she kept saying we have to meet with these people at parent-teacher conferences. But in the midst of this anger, I realized there's something funny about the way these pieces affect my life, and I realized there was a show in this, a hybrid where you could see the hidden cameras juxtaposed with this normal domestic life that I lead.
Over the years, I have been subjected to many indignities, all for the sake of Art. If I ever catch him, I'm going to kill the guy.
My fate is very precarious. I don't want the show to suffer because I may not be able to come back next week.
When I give concerts, the tickets sell for five dollars to one hundred dollars, but for my concerts the five-dollar seats are down in front... the further back you go, the more you have to pay. The hundred-dollar seats are the last two rows, and those tickets go like hotcakes! In fact, if you pay two hundred dollars you don't have to come at all.
Having a kid is great... as long as his eyes are closed and he's not moving or talking.
The only thing I said to my parents when I was a teenager was "Hang up, I got it!"
J. Paul Getty, who still hasn't been buried - they keep finding oil! Never got a dinner!
Many people feel that mass acceptance and smooth socialization are desirable life paths for a young adult... Many people are often wrong... Don't bother being nice. Being popular and well liked is not in your best interest. Let me be more clear; if you behave in a manner pleasing to most, then you are probably doing something wrong. The masses have never been arbiters of the sublime, and they often fail to recognize the truly great individual. Taking into account the public's regrettable lack of taste, it is incumbent upon you not to fit in.