Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 514
I think comedy is definitely a more male oriented field - social commentary, political commentary - I think it's just easier for men to get up and say whatever they want. But I don't think there's that many women who really want to put their toe in the water either. It's not the easiest life or lifestyle to get out there and kind of shake the shit up.
I was going to get me a white woman, but O.J. messed it up for everybody. He set interracial dating back a thousand years.
For most of my relationships, I would have liaisons, and I would feel guilty.
It's easier to rip somebody to shreds while you're making them laugh.
Onstage, I'm still wearing my fabulous, sheer dresses because I'm not that big.
I dream of moving to India, or Pakistan, and becoming a cabdriver.
There's this big pie in show business, and you physically can't eat the whole pie. If you give everybody a slice of pie, you will still have more than enough. The real trick is not to try to get the whole pie, but to keep the biggest slice.
I wanna say something about my baby, Aimee. The IRS says I have to; I pay her $20,000 as a writer.
I knew something was wrong with the economy when the shampoo girl at my salon closed on a six bedroom house.
I have so much to say when I'm driving and I only have a horn. A horn don't say enough. A horn just goes, "screeeeeeeew yooooooou!" Right? I want a microphone. A microphone with a speaker on top, like the cops got. You can have 'em, too. Freedom of speech includes volume.
I mean, she's giving and caring and genuinely concerned about the welfare of others. I can't be with someone like that.
Of all the wonders of nature, a tree in summer is perhaps the most remarkable; with the possible exception of a moose singing Embraceable you in spats.