Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 542

I work really hard at trying to see the big picture and not getting stuck in ego. I believe we're all put on this planet for a purpose, and we all have a different purpose... When you connect with that love and that compassion, that's when everything unfolds.

Cheating gets easier every time it's done. It's only hard the first time, when one feels the sting of morality and the guilt of betraying someone's trust.

Nothing funny happened to me on the way to the theater tonight, so good night.

I want to take that cheese and do terrible things to it.

Why do Cowboys wear a spur on each boot? If one side of the horse moves, the other side goes with it.

Jews are the best dressers in the world. They buy the best clothes, the best homes, the best cars. The best of everything. The only thing is, they get it for less.

It was a mixed marriage. I'm human, he was a Klingon.

The Supreme Court ruled that disabled golfer Casey Martin has a legal right to ride in a golf cart between shots at PGA Tour events. Man, the next thing you know, they're going to have some guy carry his clubs around for him.

Everybody repeat after me... "We are all individuals."

If you are tuning in just for the show, you're going to be sorely disappointed.

If that man's straight, then I am sober.

My son has been a class clown and it sort of ran in the family.

Just yesterday, you were my little girl on a tricycle. Now, you are a young woman in a car, running over a little girl on a tricycle.

He who limps is still walking.

If I want to act relaxed, it’s going to take all my cunning, skill and concentration.