Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 558
The transformation has been unbelievable. When I started here, I worked in a place where the Sky Room was on the second floor.
I see some people with glasses here, I trust people with glasses, don't you? But if you're wearing your glasses like this (tilts glasses sideways) ... "Get away from 'em!"
Saint Christopher, who said, "Where can I get a Frank Sinatra medal?" Never got a dinner!
My father established our relationship when I was seven years old. He looked at me and said, "You know, I brought you in this world, and I can take you out. And it don't make no difference to me, I'll make another one look just like you."
Sometimes people think you’re smart if you question the status quo, if nothing else.
What best defines a child is the total inability to receive information from anything not plugged in.
Ladies and gentlemen, the lower economic and lower middle economic people are not holding their end in this deal. In the neighborhood that most of us grew up in, parenting is not going on.
We have to get out there and touch the people and let them know that you are thinking about them and to try and lift their spirits and get awareness out there to the rest of the country.
People tell me, 'Bill, let it go. The Kennedy assassination was years ago. It was just the assassination of a President and the hijacking of our government by a totalitarian regime — who cares? Just let it go.' I say, 'All right then. That whole Jesus thing? Let it go! It was 2,000 years ago! Who cares?'
A Rubik’s cube is equal to a drag queen. It’s really colorful, but I don’t wanna do it.
I realize that I am not a journalist. So anything I say is not important.
Irony deals with opposites; it has nothing to do with coincidence.
My wife and I are getting remarried. Our divorce didn't work out.