Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 557
I feel very uncomfortable when I eat in restaurants. I'm obnoxiously polite with the waiters: 'I just want a tuna sandwich. I'll go get it. You sit here - I'll get it, I'll make it.'
A sold-out house my first night back. Do you have any idea what kinda pressure that is? I could have been at home in my warm bed, playing Nintendo.
I'm not white - I don't apologize for what made my country great.
My wife had her drivers test the other day. She got 8 out of 10. The other 2 guys jumped clear.
With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff.
I had written in another draft a completely different kind of fight, but they said they couldn't afford to shoot it. They needed a fight scene, though, so I was told to put a fight scene in, but not the one I had written.
I would get my student loans, get money, register and never really go. It was a system I thought would somehow pan out.
I think comedy should be left up to the professionals, that way everyone’s safety is protected.
The only thing I miss from the sitcom format is that immediate gratification of when you're, if we're talking about comedy, of the live audience.
If pop music reflects the culture, this will surely go down as the era in which people rose up and realized it was fun to dance at parties.
I went to see one of those X-rated pictures the other night, and I couldn't believe my eyes. So I stayed to see it a second time.