Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 574
The simple fact is, you've got to view this war like we've been on a long family car ride. Bush is the father and he's been screaming 'don't make me come back there!' for around 200 miles now and it just reached the point where we had to pull the car over and the bad kid is going to get the spanking of his life.
I realize that I am not a journalist. So anything I say is not important.
It definitely has learning a lesson about the way you're living your life. I wouldn't compare our movie to that, but it has a structure where it's about a man who doesn't appreciate all that he has and finds out at the end that life has been great and he has to enjoy that.
My wife and I are getting remarried. Our divorce didn't work out.
Cottonballs are an example of something I’d want to buy, but not have as a nickname.
You know what I want you to do? I want you to blow out the candle and curse the darkness.
I’ve always wanted to be a writer. Always been very creative. I always laughed at things that the rest of my family would sort of get angry, like not understand.
Uh-oh, Steven called the fuzz! "Bad boys, bad boys... whatcha gonna do?"
Golf is a hard game to figure. One day you will go out and slice it and shank it, hit into all the traps and miss every green. The next day you go out and, for no reason at all, you really stink.
I have a question. Do you guys think it's OK to drink while you're pregnant if you're planning on giving the baby up for adoption?
My voice was not heard, the questions were not asked that I wanted to see asked.
Is she crazy, like it says on her bracelet, or is she just looking at my sheets? I dunno!